Deep through my life

I Was looking at some old poems... I found this one and it´s very interesting how much I´ve changed in the last years... its quite amusing to read it... then we can talk about the what I think about life nowadays! The picture was taken in the small village where I worked as a family doctor in a very poor area of Brazil, it´s called Juá...


I'm trying to understand myself...
but I think I lost it somewhere
on my way to the hall
of pride and vanity

I'm pushing hard for my memories
to see when I've turned the wrong side
and I only see a dark shadow
which was always there besides me...

and I wonder what I've done wrong
what can I do to regain any value to my soul
what doubts do I have to pay
to be free and happy again...

I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling a fake
there's so many who'd die to be
where I made to be now
while I'm renouncing all of this
for a moment of peace,
for the chance of sharing
the gratitude of the poorest person in the world

J.Ferrer